I'm a pretty straight forward person. Sometimes that gets me in trouble. Not everyone knows that my intent is very rarely, if ever, to hurt someone, so when I open my mouth and something stupid comes out, it's completely unintentional. Hilarity can ensue, but mostly embarrassment and shame. I've found that I've become more introspective on most issues over time, and don't really let myself speak important things because of what I'm afraid will come out. I don't like hurting people's feelings, I empathize too much, I can't lie well, so I don't. I feel guilt for how well my life is going, so I often try to assuage that with helping others or charity. I've had tough losses in my life--so maybe it's karma trying to help me out (I'm a Carson Daly fan)--but I still feel pretty damn lucky and I'm not sure how I'm still here. It's still a work in progress.
Life Progress: I have lines under my eyes years too soon. I am taking medicine that I shouldn't have to take. I care a lot about health, but am still struggling with what to do about it. I wish I were more mysterious. I want to become a better musician.
Optimism: I believe that humans can overcome anything. They just have to want to hard enough. I've been told my Ki is like a flock of birds. Not seagulls, mind you. But I do like that idea.
Journal phrase cloud results, or "read this and you won't have to read the rest of my journal."
Sometimes I wonder if prayers really are not limitless, but a supply that can be exhausted. I am grateful for ideas followed through, for opportunities not wasted. I'm just not connecting lately, but aiming and throwing poorly. How much of my life will end up being a "never mind"? In striving for peace, I know the answer is not to attack. As much as I love this place, I find that I can't sleep at night. I wish I could speak more coherently sometimes. Here's hoping your stacks are high, and your altar structures are stable. Sometimes I think people think I think about things more than I do. Don't let arabic or hispanic looking people with ties get off the plane first in the event of an emergency. Chances are, they took something. I don't really think that's wrong, in moderation. It's hard to be motivated to go to work A malignant tumor of doubt and fear that I just can't eradicate all the way. I should be grateful. Once upon a time, we bought an El Camino. And it's easy to villainize the wife in question. I'm blessed in love, and I know it. Me and my brother, playing who knows what. John Mayer makes me want to quit my job. It's probably a bad sign when you'd rather be doing housework than go to a real job. Or is it? Now I need a shower to wash the hippie offa me. looking about for things that strike our fancy. Last night, my head alternated between crickets and cicadas. It's really amazing when you think about all the things you take for granted, even when you think you don't. Where's my perspective? Does anyone do business honestly any more? Who would we be then? But, it doesn't feel right to switch sides. But I'm getting bettah! You just end up stinky and have nothing to show for it. I'm such a geek. Geeks secretly admire the rodeo clowns. We had a marginally psycho person at work. I don't know how people live like that. My eye has been twitching for 3 weeks, straight. I don't think I will ever drive to work again. Then people ask how I'm doing, and I say, 'ok'. And don't know what else to say. I cry just about every time I wrap a present for my little brother. So, if I haven't said thanks lately, Thanks. So that means that really, everything is ok. I'm sad I'm not spontaneously independently wealthy. My body has begun rejecting foods that are bad for me. If you were warned, you are lucky, move along. Oh well, I need coffee I do watch HGTV a bit too obsessively. As I traversed this greener than green landscape, my glasses became cooler. My hair, hipper. And my wallet--liberated!!! Well, ok, maybe it was just gas. I feel bad for the fathers. What would happen to your family if you were to suddenly die? Now I need to go pray. What the fuck is my problem? I just want to rest for some reason. I remember when I didn't have to worry about things. It's interesting and strange. "It makes quick work of your soul." Sorry guys. I have discovered that everything is funnier with an accordian. I just wonder if I hold him back, if without me he would have been better off. There are a number of ways an action can be misconstrued. Sometimes I dream of a hospital room, him there, after the accident that preceded the intention of death. And I'm still sad. Have you ever just felt worthless? How is it that you don't bend, but you haven't broken yet? Another day, another crisis. So, maybe hate another day. Someday I will be a ballerina. I haven't really laughed in like, 2 months. Like, Big Fucking Deal. It's really surreal to look at cremation urns on the web with your mom. Can I have a moment of nothingness? Please, go back to being a cheerleader somewhere else. But I'm not a terrorist. I wish it would rain I realize that a lot of the time I'm losing patience when I probably shouldn't. I need a night of great music. Sometimes you don't know how you feel till it's too late. I'm sorry I never got to meet you. But, now I'm home with a person I actually like. Pipe dreams. That's why when people tell you time heals, they're right. But only partially. I don't ever want to take any of you for granted. I felt like an invalid.